Pain is Inevitable, Misery Optional

Remembering Bobo

2009-06-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

Bobo, our first family dog, finished his life and passed last night. As much as we will miss him, the Bertschi family will have to absorb the majority of grief over his death.
My sister Anne and her family have grown much closer to him than my family ever had the opportunity to.
In an effort to blunt the heart slicing pain of loss, I find it appropriate to share some of my family's joyful recollections of Bobo.
The often misguided hope of finding man's best friend at your local dog pound became reality for us when our daughter Abigial convinced us to adopt four-year old Bobo from the Plumas County Animal Shelter in Portola, California.
My wife, Holly, son Buster, and the aforemntioned Abby say that they looked into his droopy eyes and immediately called me at work to meet them for an adoption.
Holly, who never had a family dog as a child, was actually a little intimidated by his size and low-pitched bark. The thought seems ridiculous now after experiencing his loving and docile personality. They called me for some re-assurance that such a large, scruffy dog would be okay with our four year old and two year old children. I have to admit being a bit surprised by their choice given that he hadn't had a haircut in what I could accurately estimate now to be two years. Bobo, with his rich, liver colored coat, looked like small bear.
The story given to us by the shelter worker was that Bobo was dropped off by a family who was moving into an apartment in the city. That's a nice explanation for those of you who believe in coincidence, I however, like to think that an angel sent her loyal companion to temporarily assist with the manufacture of happiness on earth. Any other explanation is close-minded foolishness.
Holly still reminds me that I quickly signed the adoption paper, paid the fee and ran off to make a tee-time. My niece Hailey Petersen, who even at four years old had extensive large animal herding experience, was visiting us at the time. She helped Holly load Bobo into our car and purchase the appropriate goods to care for a full grown male English Springer Spaniel with a little California Brown Bear somewhere in his bloodlines.
As I played golf I thought about the great family dogs I had as a child, Lucy the fat old mutt that let us kids use her as a pillow, Luke the half German Sheppard half Pit Bull given to us by Hailey Petersen's grandparents, and Pepper who was a Christmas puppy from Aunt Jeanie when I was eight and died my first year of college while in the care of my sister Dawn Marie Petersen. I've just realized that both of my sisters have inherited dogs from me and......well we won't discuss the outcome any further. I don't blame either of you, they both lived to be pretty old dogs.
When I got home from working/golfing (I am one of the few people in the world who can accurately interchange those two words)I was pleased to see my two-year old son Buster harmlessly wrestling on the floor with our new family member Bobo. How Bobo knew to control his degrees of gentleness depending on who was playing with him is also only explained by divine interference, dogs are not that smart.
Nobody ever claimed Bobo was intelligent, but let's be honest, intelligence is overrated in a companion. Blissful ignorance and guileless loyalty are the attributes Bobo possessed in excess.
The next day, I thought I would take Bobo out to the Feather River and evaluate his retrieving skills, he is after all a springer spaniel. Although I didn't discover much talent for swimming or bringing thrown sticks back, some kids said, "is that dog's name Bobo?", "he was our friends dog and he is the best dog ever!!" Then they told me about his crazy obsession for chasing light. Bobo would excitedly bark and optimistically chase a flashlight beam, laser pointer, or even the sun's reflection from his own dog collar endlessly. Maybe they reminded him of his previous heavenly owner.
I've had several dogs in my life but two events specifically endeared Bobo to me.
Summer in the Northern Sierra Nevada mountains is perfect for camping with the family. One weekend I took advantage of our locale and found a primitive tent-camping site near Buck's Lake.
I have been camping quite a bit but was a little nervous when each campsite came equipped with bear lockers for your food. All of the bear warning signs convinced Holly and her teenage sister Lindsey to lock themselves in our Jeep for the night leaving myself and my two young children in a tent. Bobo stayed awake all night just outside the tent entrance growling at and even chasing sounds the forest made, always staying close to the tent but never letting his guard down. I know because I slept very little and was easily awakened by movement in the bushes and a couple of low growls from our loyal protection. The next morning other campers confirmed the presence of bears in their camps the previous evening.
Another time at our home, I was awakened by at 3am by wild barking from Bobo who was very interested in getting outside through our sliding glass door. When I opened the door and clicked on the outside porch light I saw two large bears eating our garbage after tearing down the deck railing to get to them. Bobo did not hesitate to chase them back into the woods.
The following night the bears returned and I awakened my family to see them through the window. After these two events our kids dubbed him "Bobo the Bear Killer".
I'm pretty sure that a springer spaniel is no match for any kind of bear, but Bobo was brave and fulfilled his adoptive calling of providing Holly peace of mind.
Not long after these events we moved from our house in the mountains with a yard to a townhome in the desert, no yard and no dogs allowed.
I asked the Bertschi family to take care of our dog for awhile until our living situation was more accommodating and they graciously accepted. Even though he was offered back to us a couple of times, I knew Bobo had found his permanent home. The worn out spot on one end of the family sofa where Bobo sat(something he was never allowed to do in our house)told me so.
Only days ago, our children spent the night with the Bertschi family and again were exposed to the gentle friendship of Bobo Bertschi. When we picked the kids up, Holly expressed her wish that our disobedient, rambunctious, new puppy Buddy will eventually become the companion that Bobo is.
I feel very lucky to have had him in our lives and that the circumstance of traveling at the right time allowed us to sort of say goodbye to him, if you believe in coincidence.

My BleacherReport.com Article Prior To The 2008 MLB Playoffs

2008-12-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

There was a time when all that mattered to a 13-year-old boy was watching the Chicago Cubs play baseball on television.

Although he couldn’t have even found Illinois with a yet-to-be invented GPS navigational device, he scheduled each of his lonely summer days, after moving to a new town, around WGN’s home-game coverage.

The kid grew up playing several sports with his father and siblings, but they were all suddenly too busy to bother.

Anyone who has spent a summer in the oven of Phoenix or Las Vegas understands that you don’t just go outside during the day. Television programming in the afternoon was primarily soap operas and infomercials.

Before there were professional teams in the desert, the MLB Season Packages on satellite, or 64 ESPN channels, there was WGN.

Even though there were much closer professional baseball teams; Padres, Angels, and Dodgers broadcasts were only available on AM radio at night. Sports websites and text-message updates from ESPN mobile were just a degenerate gambler’s science-fiction dream.

I don’t know which marketing genius inside the Wrigley Gum Network decided to broadcast a local Chicago station with regional professional sports coverage to every basic cable system of the barely inhabited desert southwest, but it worked.

Andre Dawson dingers (as we used to say) over the ivy had this boy jumping off the couch, arms in the air, mimicking the umpire’s round trip signal. Dunston-to-Sandberg-to-Grace double plays inspired a few holes in his bedroom wall when he attempted to “turn two” to an imaginary first baseman.

It even had him learning baseball history and sports writing through comparisons to Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance double plays.

He bought a goofy, red, white, and blue baseball cap with a cartoon bear on it at the mall and wore it everywhere, except to church on Sunday.

He gave each weeks’ allowance to the Fleer, Donruss, Upper Deck, and Tops Corporations. But to him, all the cards were “commons” unless the player was wearing a Cubs uniform.

Sports fandom knows of no more faithful a soldier than a junior-high boy.

Ken Griffey Jr. rookie card?

He’d trade it for a Greg Maddux or Vance Law just to complete a team set.

It was good times for Chicago Cubs fans. Players like “wild thing” Mitch Williams, who once took a line drive off his temple, made headlines and racked up wins. Jerome Walton won Rookie of the Year by stealing bases and pushing up the Jerome-O-Meter.

What he hadn’t heard about, or more probably ignored, was the reputation Chicago had of being “lovable losers” or a silly superstitious curse. There was hope that each game and postseason would be the one where they finally lived up to their potential.

He eventually made some friends when school started, and the next five summers were spent skateboarding and swimming at the lake instead of listening to Harry Carey slobber through the seventh-inning stretch.

As years went on and as the Baby Bears baseball team continuously stumbled each September and October, so did their self-declared biggest fan’s interest.

Sure, he would check a box score whenever he happened across a sports page in McDonald’s, but he could hardly call himself a fan.

Other sports and sporty girls were better at keeping his attention. All those years of hopeful build-up, soon followed by heart-breaking frustration and letdown, too closely mirrored his experiences with the opposite sex to be positively formative.

Years later, there was a renewed interest in a Dominican home-run hitter chasing history, until...well we won’t re-hash all that...too painful.

A few more years down the road found him spending a nostalgic day sorting out those baseball-card albums, painfully deciding what put into his parents’ dumpster and what would just end up gathering more dust in the garage of his first home.

Still later, the Cubs, and unfortunately Major League Baseball, lost him as a fan forever when even Boston won a World Series.

That boy now has four kids of his own and hasn’t watched an entire baseball game in years. Although he has made his living by working in various sports industries, baseball has never been one of them.

He signs his kids up for soccer and golf every spring instead of little-league baseball. He couldn’t even find his old ball glove when the chef at his work signed him up for the company softball team.

He decided, years ago, that like a drug addict, Chicago needed every single one of their co-dependent fans to withdraw all love and support in order to allow the franchise to finally hit rock-bottom.

Ideally, for the Cubs team, they might finally accept reality and maybe Mark Cuban or someone who actually wants to win will give the franchise a fresh start. Just like an intervention, without the finality of this profoundly depressing notion, nothing would really be done to turn around the organization.

Then, about a month ago, he accidentally DVR’d Baseball Tonight instead of a college football game. The segment opened with a story about Alfonso Soriano and a Japanese right fielder, also with an unpronounceable name. It went on to talk about a recent no-hitter by the Cubs' ace starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano.

Before he could stop and delete this mistake, a long-ago and deeply ingrained memory response flashed across the nostalgia lobe of his brain. He couldn’t immediately care though, due to an even stronger defense mechanism, constructed of scar tissue to avoid more pain, which halted that foolish instinct.

He didn't choose this life or this team. He really had no chance; WGN was his only option.

Now, kids can not only choose from way too many televised games, but they also can follow any game or team online. It is encouraging to know that through technology, this terrible cycle of fan abuse can end.

You could call him a fair-weather fan of the Cubs, but that would be like calling Tina Turner a fair-weather wife of Ike.

Just like that perpetually abused spouse, he will be back for the playoffs just this one more time, with the hope that things really have changed.

This time around, there is much more at stake.

This time he will be watching it with his seven-year-old son.

Changes To The 2008 PGA Tour Schedule

2008-10-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

The 2009 PGA Tour season will have a few sponsorship changes after a financial market meltdown effectively blamed on rampant capitalist freedom. Other changes are a result of the inevitable new-era of socialism implemented by a Barack Obama administration.

As we all know, The Chosen One prefers street basketball to the golf links.

No longer will the historically privately funded and horribly aristocratic game of golf be above recognizing the social ills affecting the world. Cigar smoking Republicans in country club lounges all over the nation will soon be indicted for either tax evasion, corporate fraud, or crimes against fashion pertaining to decades of wearing plaid pants and white wingtips.

In a Kyoto agreement mandated effort to “Go Green” the Mercedes-Benz Championship will now become the Toyota Prius Hybrid Championship. Four courtesy cars will be needed per participant; one for the player, one for his wife, one for his caddy, and one for his golf bag. They also fit nicely on cart paths.

The Sony Open in Hawaii will be changed to the Barack Obama Childhood Homeland Commemorative Invitational. Michelle Wie will be granted a 10 stroke lead prior to the tournament as reparations for all the white American tourists invading and destroying native Hawaiians’ pristine paradise.

The AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am will no longer exist due to new environmental regulations prohibiting golf within 500 yards of any coastline. As we learned from Cosmo Kramer, golf balls can plug a whale’s blowhole. This minor inconvenience is certainly worth insuring the survival of an entire species by protecting migrating whale pods off the coast of California.

Northern Trust Open—A bank sponsorship with the word “trust” right in the name, I think we all know how this ends. Replaced by the new wealthiest entity in America, public education endowments.

The Honda Classic remains the same. Honda’s scooter and emergency generator divisions are doing quite well.

The Zurich Classic of New Orleans can’t find a new sponsor after the Bank of Zurich figures out that dropping $5 million on a golf tournament annually for an employee open bar at the corporate courtesy tent is not exactly wise use of investor funds. F.E.M.A. funds are tapped to bail out the event in an already depressed tourism based economy.

Investigations later find that people claiming to be PGA Tour players cashed their winnings checks in Vegas on Friday night the week of the event.

The Players Championship—Now the Playa’s Championship, site moved to Hotlanta

The U.S. Open is changed to the U.N. Open. All American players are accused of abusing fans and are banned from the course. None of the other international participants can finish their round or post a score and the entire tournament is declared a golfocide.

British Open Championship officials mock the trouble the U.S. PGA Tour is having, then immediately follow suit with the exact same issues.

The Canadian Open becomes the largest player and fan attended event of the season. 92% of those people happen to be Americans who all defect in an effort to live in the least socialist economy in North America.

The PGA Championship finally steps down as a major championship and is replaced by a game of horse between Barack Obama and Tiger Woods in the White House Gym, the highest ratings ever for this event.

The Tour Championship is held on an offshore oil rig so the players can avoid paying Obama’s higher taxes on the rich for their Fed Ex cup bonus winnings.

The Shell Houston Open goes on as scheduled due to Texas immediately seceding from the United States and finally building an immigration fence, only it is on the northern border of Texas to protect the Bush family from prosecution at the direction of the newest Obama Supreme Court appointees.

In an effort to get back at southern whites, The Masters is renamed The Slaves. In this tournament the players are the ones who must wear white caddy bibs and carry their own golf bags while their respective caddies have a scotch on the clubhouse porch. It’s also okay for caddies to verbally and physically abuse any player who misses a putt inside four feet.

The Wachovia Championship assures all involved that it will be held as scheduled. When the players arrive their scorecards are already filled out for them and signed. Few protest due to very low scores across the board.

Tournament officials explain that rules are meant to be bent and that actually playing golf is a silly formality since they are sure each player could have shot those scores or even better if given the opportunity. Winning checks bounce and the Golf Channel blames deregulation.

No Tiger Woods At British Open: Suggestions To Make It Watchable

2008-10-13T16:48:00.000-07:00

With the Open Championship Royal Birkdale Golf Club, minus Tiger Woods, beginning in less than eight hours, I have been thinking of ways to prepare for a less than riveting, but must see nonetheless (all the majors are), television event.

Not unlike Wimbledon is to the public park tennis player, the British Open is very unfamiliar territory for the occasional hacker. We will certainly not get a Nadal/Federer type final round showdown without Tiger in the field, but maybe Daly/Van de Velde. That would be fantastic, wouldn't it?

Both events are played on unusual surfaces. Links style golf courses are a little more interesting visually, but grass tennis courts are bonkers aren't they?

Many of the competitors are unheard of, which is okay since their names are unpronounceable anyway. Pray with me for a pairing of Jean-Baptist Gonnet, Prayad Marksaeng, Yoshinobu Tsukada, and Soren Kjeldsen will you? I think I just broke the spell checker.

Both events have enough potential film footage to replace a year's worth of infomercials on the Golf Channel. All right, I got a little carried away with that one. How many hours is 23 x 7 x 365 anyway?

Speaking of the Golf Channel, it still is the only non-pay per view, one sport channel in existence. Shocking considering how difficult it is to remain interested in a full event.

Television broadcasting of golf has many 10 percent fans. They watch golf 10 percent of the time, only if Tiger Woods is in contention on Sunday. The other 90 percent of the time they only tune-in for the soothing voice of Peter Aliss during an afternoon nap.

My first suggestion for watching the Open Championship is to record it. You can skip all commercials, insignificant interviews, un-interesting player introduction pieces, meaningless first tee shots, tap-ins for par, basically the entire tournament.

DVR has incredibly made watching this type of broadcast possible. If you don't have it, make a tee-time at the local municipal course and pretend you're Tom Watson.

The fact that the first group of players tee-off at 1:30am EST Thursday morning will help convince you to set your TiVo, otherwise during commercials you will be channel surfing between Making Millions in Real Estate Investing, Extenze, and Girls Gone Wild Infomercials.

I on the other hand, will be watching it live, but only because I am such a die-hard golf aficionado.

My second suggestion for enjoying the Open Championship is to get into character. Pick up a tweed Hogan cap, plaid pants, an argyle sweater, some bratwurst and a case of Guinness.

You should also remove all of your dental work and replace your usual profanities with the word "bloody." It helps if you ask your wife to only address you as "the honorable old chap from Mustyberger On Gouda" for the remainder of the weekend. For really serious fans, rent a wind machine, sit in the backyard with the sprinklers on, and watch through window.

Finally, (this is the serious part) try to learn something from the players' golf swings. DVR is great for slow motion.

Choose a player with a similar build as you are, women should pick Colin Montgomerie, and watch closely. Then compare to your own swing in a mirror.

You will notice that when the wind starts blowin' the swings start slowin'. You will also be able to recognize which player is confident and relaxed and which player can't stand still or stop the nervous chatter to his caddy while waiting to hit a shot.

As has been said 2,849,876,238 times before, golf is a mental game, but ABC has no "brain cam" yet. So to really enjoy this year's Open Championship I will be turning off the sound from the commentators on my television and turning on a good polka.

My Olympic Preview from BleacherReport.com

2008-09-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

Imagine if you were a sports writer.

No, I mean one that gets paid for assignments and has actual press credentials for the Beijing Olympics.

Now, imagine that horse's rectum of a boss you have at the local paper is asking you to cover ping pong. So, you get some shots from Dr. Jellyfinger for your passport and fly to China. At the hotel desk, you tell some "new, local friends" that you are covering ping pong.

Tomorrow you wake up to a concrete floor on your back, leather straps around your limbs, and repeated drops of water falling directly between your eyes.

"What went wrong," you think to yourself, fighting off the inevitable madness promulgated by three years of Chinese water torture in a turn of the century prison?

What went wrong, ding dong, was that you mocked the rich history and tradition of the Republic of China by referring to table tennis as ping pong.

Journalists from Pennsyltucky could be imprisoned right now?

This exact scenario might not actually happen. But why risk it? Call the sport by its proper name.

Table tennis has come a long way since its introduction as an overweight aristocrat's non-sweating alternative to lawn tennis in 1890s England. Yes, I said England, not China.

I saw Forrest Gump too, and for years made the same assumption. It is, after all, commonly referred to in America as ping pong.

Today, players compete for big money on par with UFC fighters. But, I would prefer getting punched in the face for a living, given the choice.

They wield specially developed rubber-coated wooden and carbon-fibre rackets that are as expensive as Taylor Made Drivers. Various rubber compounds and glues are applied on the rackets to impart greater spin or speed.

Table tennis has become the world's largest participation sport, with 40 million competitive players worldwide and countless millions playing recreationally.

Still, not one of these participants has ever seen a woman naked. I guess that's about when I gave up the game yesterday.

Originally it began with cigar-box lids for rackets and a carved champagne cork for a ball. It was beer-pong before beer.

The team to watch, however, is China. They are led by the legendary Guoliang Liu.

In his birth town of Xinxiang, from the early age of six, the young Guoliang managed his first forehand drive. He very quickly adopted the Chinese playing style known as “penhold” and rapidly mastered the basics of table tennis. In 1991, aged 15, his efforts began to pay off—he was selected for the Chinese national team. The rest, as they say, is boring, too.

So, in the great, mentally-challenged tradition of Jeffy from The Ringer:

GO FOR GOLD!

Olympic Politics Are More Interesting Than Events

2008-08-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

The International Olympic Committee is a completely incompetent sports governing body who should be ashamed of themselves. How they didn't foresee the problems we are now experiencing in Beijing with the Olympics illuminates the political blinders these international do-gooders wear.
Choosing Beijing for the Olympic Games was a huge mistake and the IOC thought the power of the event was more important than any individual country's governing idiosyncrasies. After all, it's the Holy Olympic Games, China wouldn't dare use this event as propaganda to manipulate the world. The arrogance of these appointed Olympic officials is making me nauseous.
I have awarded the gold medal for communist party allegiance to Mr. Wang Wei who is an executive vice president and secretary general of BOCOG. You don’t think he deserves it? Here are some of his highlights:
On the pre-games crackdown in Tibet on dissident monks. At least 16 people were killed in this police action, maybe as many as 80. This is the direct quote from Wang Wei when asked about allowing media access to Tibet, as China falsely promised the IOC, in order to get the Olympic bid. “Regarding to your question about whether media are free to go to Tibet for the next few days, of course the media are free to go to Tibet. As you know, due to the recent riots which happened in Tibet, there is limit…I think it will need an approval to go to Tibet. But in general, the media, in the past, present and future are free to go to Tibet. Thank you.”
On the two elderly Chinese women who were “disturbing the peace” by protesting the government policies concerning freedom of the press prior to the Olympics. Here again is Wang Wei’s statement on the topic: “Regarding to the 2 ladies, we have received the information from the police, Wu Dianyuan, Wang Xiuying, these two people, are now going through reform through labor. On the 30th July, they were given a sentence of a reform through labor. Considering their age, they have fulfilled their sentences outside the prison. They were accused of disturbing the peace. Since 5th August they have been to the relevant police authorities to ask about the demonstration issue, and then after being received by the local officer, they then left. And so that is about the 2 elderly ladies and their penalty of one year of labor.
On the Chinese government’s role in falsifying documents for underage gymnasts when asked about it the day after news broke of a U.S. hacker discovering proof of ages being changed: “The information that I have received previously also came from the International Federation and the Chinese Olympic Committee which provided the necessary information and evidence. These documents have already been clarified, things have been cleared up. The eligibility of the athletes has already been investigated and authorized by the International Federation. And if they haven't been cleared, they would not be able to participate in the Games. Thank you.”
Here he is again commenting on the two AP reporters who were arrested and had their cameras confiscated for covering a small protest in Beijing yesterday: “On 21st of August at 00:05 a.m., the National Stadium to its southwest on Beichen Bridge, 6 Tibetans separatist showed the flag of the separatist movement and cried slogans. The people there were indignant and tried to prevent them from doing so. Whether you like it or not, Tibetan separation is not popular in China. The police in order to prevent the aggravation of the situation and any possible injuries to the pedestrians took the 6 separatist to the police station for investigation, 2 were found to be AP journalists. I don't know if there is an Australian involved or not. And I don't know the details about it. As I told you before that Tibet is part of China, not only the whole Chinese know it but the whole world recognize it. Any free Tibet movement is not welcome here. It is not correct, legally speaking. I hope all the media will respect that and to provide friendship and peace in the world. Thank you”
Wang Wei on the imprisonment of Falong Gong practitioners prior to the Olympics: Falungong is an illegal organization in China. "So when you say 8,000 practitioners, I don't know anything about this. The Beijing Olympic has welcomed athletes from all over the world to come and participate and enjoy the joy of the Olympics. Beijing and the Chinese people are friends of all athletes. I believe that all the athletes will abide by the Chinese law just as when they go to other hosting country. Thank you."

Missing The Putt (and the point)

2008-06-17T14:43:00.000-07:00

Greatest U.S. Open ever? Since television anyway. I won't disagree that it was probably the most compelling sporting event since the last U.S. Ryder cup victory. It's been quite awhile since Justin Leonard made that putt, the one that revitalized the Americans and ultimately won the last U.S. vs. anyone for anything competition.
My problem is with the sensationalist sports media. It gives me brain hemerroids to listen to the non-golf sports media, like that botched infanticide survivor Scott Van Pelt, talk about Rocco Mediate as a cinderella story. Like he just showed up to his first jr. high dance with high water slacks and his dad's tie only to make-out in the bathroom with the most popular girl in school. Van Pelt, you moron, didn't any of the que-cards you held at the Golf Channel teach you anything? Mediate has been a staple on tour for 15 years also, not a major winner, but consistently making paychecks. He is healthy for the first time in a couple of seasons, and he is not interested in your assesment of his intestinal fortitude.
The reason it was compelling TV, and why Rocco gained so many fans, is because HE DOESN"T CARE that the sensationalist hype machine of sports radio and ESPN finds him unworthy of being in the same group as Michael Jor....I mean Tiger Woods. In two days Rocco became the person every golf fan wishes Phil Mickleson, David Toms, Vijay Singh, Monty Doubtfire, Love, Ernie, Furyk, Scott, Weir, Duval and every other good reasonably (or formerly in David Duval's case) player on tour would be. That guy who ignores the "mystique", isn't intimidated by the record. That guy who wears a red shirt in the final round too and makes big putts when he needs them to catch Eldrick Woods from behind in a major. Everyone wants the underdog to give the cocky favorite a taste of humble pie. it is why John Daly became so popular. It is even why Tiger Woods has the popularity he does. If a fat, rich, white guy had his record on tour, the PGA tour would not exsist. A black kid sticking it to the whitey golf establishment is why we (average golf fans) fell in love with Woods in the first place. If the PGA tour wants to improve ratings, they will do a better job of showcasing the other great players who might give Woods some competition and therefore encourage these players to be more competetive. Poeople usually live up (or down) to their expectations.
This has all happened before, exactly the same way, where a lesser known player (which is every player) doesn't back down to Tiger, but still loses in the end. Remember Bob May or Chris DiMarco? After the Sunday finish some idiot actually asked Rocco if he "CAN" beat Tiger Woods. I would have headbutted the bridge of his nose, then made him eat the microphone after that question. I mean this guy is not a beginner, of course he "CAN" beat Tiger. Obviously, Tiger didn't really have his A-game most of the week, which makes him beatable by most other players on tour. The question, after Woods had to make a heroic effort (and have a little luck) to force a playoff with Rocco, should have been directed at Woods. "CAN" you walk another 18 with that knee. Doesn't this course favor a draw? "Can" you continue making 30 foot putts and slam dunking bunker shots to keep up with this guy? Why aren't you home with your swedish model wife? You don't need the money, do you? Now that you are a family man, has some of your motivation to play golf all day every day faded? Why wasn't this the line of questioning? Instead it's as if they wonder why everyone keeps trying, they should just suspend the PGA tour and issue Woods all major championship trophies until his retirement.
It isn't just golf though, sports commentators are ruining all sports.....I'll save it for another day.

Ace Hogan Morris

2008-06-01T15:58:00.000-07:00

Our fourth child and third son has finally found his way out of the darkness and into our home. He was born at 3:00am on Thursday April 24th 2008. Here are a couple of photos. Ace weighed 6 lbs. 5 ozs. and his mother won a cruise.
Holly was brave and strong during the delivery and has requested immediate disablization of my baby making abilities. Not sure how to accomplish that yet. Please send suggestions.

Kimbo Slice gets a paycheck, Elite XC gets submitted

2008-05-31T21:31:00.000-07:00

I have begun writing this while my DVR is on pause during the introductions, strike one. The fighting is always interesting, but where UFC has hit a home run is their no B.S. productions. Pyrotechnicians need not apply. Typical old media move to take something raw and pure and exciting like MMA and a true streetfighter in Kimbo Slice and overproduce it so much that I decide to write a whining blog about it instead of actually watch the fight. Quick memo to CBS....MMA IS NOT PRO WRESTLING. The flamethrower entrances and 5 minute in-ring introductions are making me a little nauseous. One of the pre-fight pimps actually compared Kimbo Slice to Tiger Woods and the Golden Boy in ONE FREAKING SENTENCE. Really, somebody wrote that and then somebody else read it and not one person involved at CBS said, "Whoa, let's keep a grain of credibility and wait until the fight is over before we offend every golf and boxing fan in the world." Not that there will be a fight, this is the fighting equivelent of the Globetrotters vs the Generals. Thompson is coming off back to back losses and just needs a paycheck to open his gym. I am pausing here to actually watch the fight. I let my DVR build up 20 minutes of "skip the commercials time" because this is network television.
WOW, the last time Kimbo worked that hard he, well, uh, okay he hasn't. The last time Kimbo was on his back that much was when his mama was changing his dirty diapers. The next time Kimbo will be paid that much for fighting will be defending the turf of Miami druglords. James Thompson needs immediate plastic surgery and now he can afford it. Highlight of the night......an exploding ear!!!

Happy Big World Day Everyone

2008-04-28T17:13:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard of "BIG WORLD DAY" you better ask somebody. That's right B-I-G W-O-R-L-D D-A-Y. It was last Saturday and I celebrated it with my kids as we have done since it's inception over 2 years ago. Here are some photos.

This holiday was created by Buster Morris and may be a worldwide holiday someday. The story goes like this:

I was driving in the car with my son shortly after Easter Sunday 2006

5 year old - Dad, who invents holidays?
Dad - I don't know
5 year old - Did Jesus make them up?
Dad - I guess, some of them.
5 year old - Can I make one up?
Dad - Sure.
5 year old - Okay, Saturday
Dad - What's it called
5 year old - Big World Day
Dad - What do you do on Big World Day?
5 year old - Climb a mountain.
Dad - To look at the Big World?
5 year old - To eat candy.

So we celebrated big world day that Saturday by climbing a mountian and eating candy at the top. Then I realized some conflicts. First, I think Earth Day is near that period and I think the whole month of April is environmentalist month or something. Apparently there is a global need every spring to offset the aroma of blossoming trees, plants and flowers with patchuli oil and B.O. This could be a bonus though, kind of trick the world into supporting something they don't know anything about, like the U.N.
The bigger problem is that it happens to fall within a couple days of my daughter's birthday, the Big World Day's creator and direct attention competition. If parental attention were political power, Buster and Abby would be Bill and Hillary Clinton. My daughter refused to participate for two years because she felt that it stole her birthday party thunder, but finally came with us this year.

So far my kids have written a Big World Day theme song on their piano and officially declared the Desert Tortise, Red Tailed Hawk and common Rock Lizard the mascots. We are currently accepting design submissions for a tee-shirt next year.

Mark your calendar and spread the word, the last Saturday in April is BIG WORLD DAY!

Environmentalists.....not complete idiots

2008-04-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I took a day off and went hiking with a friend in Zion National Park. This is not really part of my life, I spend more time outdoors than most, but usually don't hike just for hiking's sake. Generally I am flyfishing or golfing (about 5 miles if you walk 18 holes) or hunting if I am hiking. Although I live very near the park and often take my family there, it has been some time since I have done a 15 mile round trip hike in one day. It took us about 7 hours total with a nice long lunch at the arch viewing site. The dissappointing part is that the terrain becomes very rugged and we could only get about 1/2 mile away (my estimation) to see it. Apparently it is the largest natural land bridge in the world, so the scale is still impressive at that distance. Any closer would require rock-climbing gear and much more time. As with most experiences, photos do not do it justice. I just can't help think that some survivalist FLDS member would have a shack built on top of the arch if it weren't National Park.

DON"T PANIC

2008-04-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

The following is an excerpt from an article in the UK Evening Standard. It supports the theme of my life and therefore my blog. Calm down, everything is fine unless you freak out.

Vitamins taken by around a third of the population do not extend life and may even cause premature death, according to a respected group of international scientists.
After reviewing 67 studies involving more than 230,000 men and women, the experts say there is no convincing evidence that taking supplements of the antioxidant vitamins A, C and E can make you healthier.
The alarming findings, published today, will shock Britons who spend £333million a year on supplements.
Forty per cent of women and 30 per cent of men take a vitamin pill each day.
The review involved trials on beta-carotene, vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E and selenium.
It says in-depth analysis of the different trials does not support the idea that vitamins extend lifespan.
'Even more, beta-carotene, vitamin A, and vitamin E seem to increase mortality,' says the review.
Vitamin A was linked to a 16 per cent increase in mortality, beta-carotene - the pigment found in carrots, tomatoes and broccoli which the body converts into vitamin A - to a 7 per cent increase and vitamin E to a 4 per cent increase. However, there was no significant detrimental effect caused by vitamin C.
'There was no evidence to support either healthy people using antioxidants to prevent disease or for sick people to take them to get better,' said the review.
It said more research was needed on vitamin C and selenium.
Antioxidants are used by the body as protection against free radicals, which are molecules produced during normal metabolism.
These can damage the body if they flourish in an uncontrolled way as a result of illness, overexposure to toxins or ageing.
It is thought antioxidants such as vitamin C confer health benefits by 'grabbing' or neutralising free radicals, and many people take them as health 'insurance'.
The theory behind using antioxidants is to combat oxidation - the chemical reaction that causes metals to rust - which in cells can damage DNA, thus raising the risk of cancer, other diseases and the changes associated with ageing.
Previous human and animal laboratory research suggested that boosting antioxidant levels in the body might extend life, but other studies produced neutral or even harmful results. The review is published by the Cochrane Library, a publication of the Cochrane Collaboration, an international organisation which evaluates healthcare research.
Altogether 47 trials involving 180,938 people were classified as having a low risk of bias which showed 'antioxidant supplements significantly increased mortality'.
Goran Bjelakovic, who led the review at the Copenhagen University Hospital in Denmark, said: 'We could find no evidence to support taking antioxidant supplements to reduce the risk of dying earlier in healthy people or patients with various diseases.
'The findings of our review show that if anything, people in trial groups given the antioxidants beta-carotene, vitamin A, and vitamin E showed increased rates of mortality.
'There was no indication that vitamin C and selenium may have positive or negative effects. So, regarding these antioxidants, we need more data from randomised trials.
'The bottom line is that current evidence does not support the use of antioxidant supplements in the general healthy population or in patients with certain diseases.'
The review does not offer any biological explanation as to why supplements can cause harm, although it has been suggested that betacarotene, for example, might interfere with the body's use of fats.
Relate this to my previous post about the cost of insurance, and more importantly, legally required coverage for certain things. Defenders "universal coverage" in the U.S. say that there would have to be mandates for preventative care and penalties to encourage "healthy living habits" in order to keep costs down. The previous article supports the idea that medical professionals and scientists in general know relatively little about human health and exsistence. Policy makers always panic when confronted with new information about human health risks such as global climate change, asbestos, lead paint, mercury in drinking water etc. Inevitably someone, somewhere will discover the exact opposite is true through a flaw in the research or new advances and discoveries. Red meat is healthy, diet drinks make you fat, exercise deteriorates your body, crack cocaine makes you smart. Well 75% is a passing grade, and as I tell my children, C's get degrees.

Generally people are reasonable but government appointed authorities who risk criticism if they don't "DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT" are not. There are other over-reactionary entities that exist in society and like to scare our children. Companies who stand to make a profit from a wholesale paradigm shift and sensationalist media outlets who need to sell papers or commercials by always having EXCITING news. I always consume "news" with this brain filter on. It just makes life so much more enjoyable when you have the proper perspective.

Insurance undermines responsibility

2008-04-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

Insurance has ruined the world. Think about how careful you would be if nobody had car insurance. Would you drive carelessly if, when you were in an accident that was determined to be your fault, you actually paid all repair and medical bills out of your bank account or future income? I submit that there would be virtually zero fatal accidents. Every person, corporation, and government industry has become overly risky with their behaviors because someone else pays for the bulk of their mistakes. If you really want to stop almost any tragedy or abuse that you see on the nightly news, hold the person or entity personally and financially responsible for their actions. A bank, for instance, has FDIC insurance for your money. Makes you feel warm and fuzzy, right. This allows them to make overly risky loans for profit maximization, and if they screw up, nobody really loses. FDIC insurance however is nothing more than your tax dollars. So with this understanding, your tax dollars cover your banker's bad decisions when he fails at increasing profits for his shareholders which includes your 401k.
Responsible people never benefit from insurance. The nature of the business makes people more careless and therefore the world more dangerous. I cannot blame the insurance companies, bcause they simply fill a need that people are willing to pay for. Where I have a huge problem is when a law is passed requiring people to insure themselves.
Add up every insurance premium that you pay for, and multiply it by 12 months and 75 years to find out how much you should be agreeing with me right now. Let's list them:

1. Health insurance
2. Auto insurance
3. Homeowner's insurance
4. Life insurance
5. Mortgage insurance on your home
6. Fire / Flood insurance on your home
7. Professional malpractice insurance - increases the price for every product or service
8. FDIC
9. Title insurance on your home
10. Dental insurance
11. Vision insurance
12. Earthquake insurance

I have a particular problem with professional or medical malpractice insurance. Don't you think it will make life threatening surgery mistakes more common if a doctor can pay a relatively small premium to cover those mornings he is still hung-over. In the real estate industry they have "errors and omissions" insurance so they are not held responsible when they have not properly researched the property history and it cost the homeowner(s) money.
People should be able to decide whether or not to live a risky life that requires financial back-up or not.